How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
