I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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