apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
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I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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