I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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