Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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