Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
