is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
