my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
