weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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