well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
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The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
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I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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