Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
