I just threw up on my dentist
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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