I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
