it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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