The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize