Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
