Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
