There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
