I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
