people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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