The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
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It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
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Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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