i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
