people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
