you guys were way drunker than both of me
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
