And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
