We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
