You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
organizing the empties. That sober.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
