Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
