He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't turn off my feet"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
