theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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