I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
