all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
