You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
