You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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