I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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