My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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