So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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