He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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