if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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