When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
