You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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