Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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