My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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