Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
