Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
