watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
