remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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