What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
