Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
