I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
