I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
