What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
How naked do you want me to be?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
