Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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