im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
