I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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