I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
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