dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
