yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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