Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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