He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
