Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
