angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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