Whod you bang
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
