hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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