I'm sorry my penis didn't work
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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