I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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