he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
