So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
