She said her name was "party"
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
