I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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