this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
