dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
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