i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
