His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
