two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
