Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
