Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
