Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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