Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
