so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
