Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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