I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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