Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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