We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
PANTIES FOUND
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
