And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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