I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
