I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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